Doris’ Life Lessons

Been bogged down by a lot of stuffs recently again! Hence, haven’t have much time to blog. Anyway, a lot of stuffs have occurred recently and some are still in transition. One of the things I’m involved in is the running of an 8-week public speaking crash course to a group of 16 participants.

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Last night was the 3rd session Speechcraft Workshop (an 8-week public speaking crash course) conducted by my Toastmasters Club (NUS Alumni).

What really touched me a lot for this round of Speechcrafters is that majority are very committed to improve their public speaking skills. I notice that they really took a lot of time and effort to prepare for each session and I really appreciate all that hard work.

You see, public speaking is a skill that people often neglect. And even when some see the importance in honing this skill, they do not see the need to put in effort since they have paid for the course. They expect the trainers to ‘change’ them instead of themselves putting in the effort to ‘change’.

Often, I have seen new members doing unprepared prepared speeches. The time spent to prepare a speech could be just a bus-ride to the meeting place. Or they could come up the stage and do an impromptu ice-breaker speech which was obviously unprepared.

I believe very much in putting in effort to prepare prior to the speech - to script the speech and rehearse adequately before delivering it. I guess, nowadays, I did not meet many who prepare adequately before their speech. Hence, I definitely appreciate their sincerity when I see effort in a speech. ^_^

Some months back, I read an article titled ‘Only the Tough need apply’.

It talks about how a man recruit people by making demands on them instead of spoonfeeding their sense of entitlement and materialism. The main message is,

"Do not expect people to train you or make you grow. Training and growing depend on yourself, not other people. And it’s only when the going gets tough that more people will come forward and face the challenge."

One quote in the article caught my eye, "Life is not a fashion show." Took me a while to understand what it means thanks to a friend’s explanation. It means that we do not do things to show off to others. Personal growth and excellent depend on oneself, not with the intention of impressing people.

I thought the message was very appropriate for NUS Alumni Toastmasters Club’s Presidential Address and I use the story to relate it to public speaking. Thankfully, it went through smoothly and the audience got inspired. Quite a power-packed address and I guess in the midst of it, I too get inspired by my message.

Let me share a glimpse of it with you ^_^ -

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Public Speaking is not a fashion show.

We do not grow to show off to others.

We do not give speeches to get Distinguished Club Program award.

Neither do we let you move on to the next level of public speaking because we wanted that Distinguished Club Program point.

We focus on personal growth.

The experience of each meeting is a reward in itself.

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Come by choice.

You know what you want and need to learn.

The years of being an anxious and good child are over.

Somemore, the food is mediocre, the chairs are uncomfortable and the location, inconvenient.

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Treasure what you have.

Time is too slow for those who wait;

Too swift for those who fear;

Too long for those who grief;

Too short for those who rejoice;

But for those who love

Time is Eternity

Earlier part of this year, my friend lend me this book ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’.

It talks about a student’s last module with his dying old professor every Tuesday until he died.

One message that the old professor (Morrie) taught this student of his (Mitch Albom) is that ‘It’s OK to cry’. Many times, Mitch wanted to cry but he held back his tears in front of Morrie. Finally, Morrie told him, "One day, I’ll teach you that it’s OK to cry…"

Whenever we feel like crying, we found ourselves fighting back tears. A friend once told me, "I realise crying does not mean that you are weak". Indeed, it is.

Tonight, someone cried in front of me. She has been holding back her tears since afternoon and finally burst out uncontrollably in front of me. It’s ironic that while it seems like the tough ones are very good at fighting back tears, it’s only after you cry that you become tougher.

It has dawned on me that sometimes tough situations in life polished us to be tougher beings.

To her:

Cry if you need be, but after that, move on for tomorrow is another new day. Finally, it’s OK to cry…

The other day, someone commented,

"Doris, you would have grown a lot one year from now…"

(Not sideways, i hope… hehe…)

Indeed, there have been a lot of changes in my life recently - going on to the next stage of career (since it’s nearing the end of my PhD), taking on the Presidential role in Toastmasters, many more speeches to make, learning to manage difficult people, meeting new people, exploring many different areas of possibilities, learning along the way etc… Hence, lots of learning and falling, ups and downs…

Anyway, this comment set me wondering what I will be one year from now. I believe I will be tougher and more polished if I survive these episodes.

Whatever the case, life is a learning experience and I guess I should be glad that it gives me the opportunities to weather through storms, to grow as a result and to nurture a better character (which I have always wanted).

And I’m really happy that along the way, I met people who are supportive, who help, who advise, who destress me, who lend a listening ear and who never fail to make me laugh heartily.

Let’s wait and see what I would have become one year from now… I’m anticipating…